“Friends don’t let friends be petty cunts”
Here’s to another holiday season. Halloween has came and left, which means, it’s time to cut straight through on to Thanksgiving and Christmas. You know, for someone who is a textbook cynic and non-traditionalist, I have a shockingly large warm and fuzzy place for this time of year.
I fucking love the holidays ok? There, I’ll admit it.
I’m not sure what it is about them really. The food? The togetherness? The liquor? The family? The gifts? The warmth? The……liquor?
Whatever it may be. This time of preparation and anticipation always seems to bring out the bitch in me. I’m not referring to the mean bitch that’s here all year round. I’m talking about the baby back bitch that reminisces and cries and has lots and lots of explosive repressed feelings and these uncalled for light bulb moments of bright ideas on how I’m going to make things better for everyone I’ve ever been involved with ever.
It’s tragic really.
So please, take this post with a grain of salt knowing that I have been emotionally compromised by the prospect of chestnuts roasting on an open fire and the viewing of the 85th annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.
When I was a kid, I did this thing where I would cry simply at the thought that I may had hurt someone else’s feelings. Yes, I used to care THAT much about the happiness of others and the impact I had on their lives. No, it was not a round-about, self indulgent way of making myself feel better, I was eight years old, I didn’t have the capacity for self righteousness. I genuinely, wholeheartedly, gave a shit about other people’s emotional state and wanted, no, NEEDED them to be happy. I would do anything in my power to cheer someone up, or right a wrong I thought I had done to make them upset. In my childhood mind, that mostly amounted to me drawing them a card. I would scribble the word’s “I’m soorrrryyy” onto a blank sheet of paper, draw lopsided hearts and cringe worthy stick figures, even for an eight year old, they were pretty bad, and I would go to whomever my muse at the time was, give them a giant hug, and hand them their card.
Then I would wait while they viewed it paying close attention to the expression on their face. If they smiled, I knew I had succeeded in my mission. All was well in my world again. I had made the hurt go away. I had made someone happy. To me, that was the greatest thing you could do for someone. It didn’t matter whether they had hurt me back, or even if it wasn’t me who caused the hurt. the point was, I did what I felt was the right thing to do about it. I yearned to be the healer, for everyone to move past the pain and move on to brighter things. You see, as an eight year old who didn’t have the capacity for self-righteousness, I also lacked the capacity for things like pride, grudges, and judgement. I just knew that I wanted the hurting to stop, so I did what it took to get there.
I think they call that being the bigger person.
Fast forward 17 years, and deep down inside, I believe I still have that yearning and desire to heal and let go and move on into the happiness. But life, has implemented things like ego, and bitterness, dishonesty, and lack of communication, that stems from the shitty shit that happens to us. Which I realize is not a viable excuse because EVERYONE has shitty shit happen to them and most of them still manage to accept the people in their life for who they are and move on with love and compassion.
Look, I have done it both ways, I have played the petty card, and I have also, sucked it all up and stepped up to the plate of forgiveness even when they didn’t deserve it. I have extended a hand in friendship and I have too, slapped that invitation away, I have been both the smaller and bigger person, in many different situations, while both have their perks, there is no greater relief on your emotional state than the latter. I promise you.
Yes, it takes more guts to love someone despite the fact that they hurt you, but once you find it in yourself to muster that courage up; you’re free.
So, my dear friends, do me a favor, be eight year old Katherine. Be so engulfed in the healing and loving of the people in your life that you forget that there’s a reason you stopped loving them in the first place. Forgive, even if they don’t deserve it. Reach out, extend the invitation for them to re-enter your life, even if you think they will reject it, swallow that pride, be the bigger person. Encourage the same for those that are close to you, friends don’t let friends be petty cunts. Make people happy.
“Our job is to love others without stopping to question whether or not they are worthy”
At least….that’s how I feel around the holiday’s.